Dreams To Do

Archive of ‘Randomness’ category

Up to speed.

Well, it’s been at least a year and a half since my heart was here. Blogging was a huge part of my life for a long time and for most of that time I honestly LOVED it. I loved that it saved me money on therapy, introduced me to new friends from all over the world, and gave me a creative outlet outside of my boring job and the tediousness of motherhood. Today it is obvious that blogging really isn’t my “thing” any more, but I’m not closing the door on it. I have so much time and heart invested in this space that I very much plan on continuing with it – just maybe not as passionately as I once did. Right now I want to bring you up to speed on my life over the past year+ so that I can move forward with posting here more often. I guess this post is a way of playing catch up (for those who may care) so I can once again start fresh

Near the end of 2015 I felt myself sinking into a familiar rut. The monotony of my day-to-day life running kids to and from school and activities, keeping the house together, fixing food…. it just all felt so “blah” to me. The short, cold winter days definitely weren’t helping. Having just survived two very emotionally taxing surgeries on my little guy while also struggling with a child whose behavior was challenging me as a mother, I found myself in a place where I didn’t even know myself. I felt tired, lonely, depressed and completely uninspired.

One day in the middle of the week when both boys went down for a nap and Leila was at school, I realized just how miserable I was feeling and that I needed to do something about it. With 400 ideas in my head as to blog posts to write and hobbies and ideas I wanted to pursue for my own personal fulfillment, I froze up yet again. I’m pretty sure I suffer from analysis paralysis – I tend to just shut down instead of taking steps to actually accomplish anything. As I lounged on the couch stuffing my face with potato chips in an attempt to eat away my negative emotions and browsing Netflix for a way to escape my current reality, I came across the documentary version of The Secret. Being a long time fan of the book, I knew it was what I needed to watch in that moment to feel inspired again.

An hour later I was off the couch, the chips were put away, and I had a renewed sense of excitement for life. I felt determined to change my attitude and make things happen in my life. I turned on some upbeat tunes and spent the rest of nap time going about my usual chores while thinking “happy thoughts” about all the good in my life and the opportunities that I just knew were coming my way.

No joke, that very same night my husband got home from work and was beaming with excitement as he informed me of a business opportunity that he had been presented with that day. It was the very same day that I came out of my self doubt and into the light of “big things are happening in my life.” Without knowing anything about this business or the products or what it would take to run it, I knew it was meant to be. Less than three months later, the business was ours.

We’ve been business owners for exactly one year now and the past year has in no way been easy, but I always return to that day when I was handed something good at a time I needed it most. A month after we took over the biz, we put our house on the market and it led us on the most emotional and financially taxing roller coaster ride we’ve ever been on. Who knew buying and selling a home could nearly kill you! We put a lot of faith into a person we thought loved our home and had every intention of following through with the purchase only to have our hearts broken at closing. We found ourselves with TWO mortgages and 1 million pounds of stress on our backs for a few months. Lots of lessons learned in that process! Through it all our hyper-sensitive middle child felt every ounce of stress and acted out in ways we could never imagine being a part of our parenting story. Not to mention, nurturing a happy marriage becomes nearly impossible when the load on your back feels that heavy.

Fast forward to last fall. The clouds finally parted and the sun broke through. Our first home FINALLY sold (to the most AMAZING family ever I must add), school started back up for the kids (routines are EVERYTHING), and we were settling into our new home and business.

As 2017 came, I felt like I breathed the hugest sigh of relief. I feel the fog lifting on the darkness in my heart and I feel super excited for all of the opportunities I’m being presented with this year. Through all the crap and the doubt and the heartache of the last two years, and through losing myself at times, one thing always remained constant in me. Deep down I always knew bigger and better things were on the horizon. I never gave in completely to my own doubt. I truly believe that if you ask and you believe in the things you want to happen in your life, they WILL.

Life Lately

Fall leaves, tall boots, chilly morning school drop offs, baby drool, hot coffee (lots of it), Daily Mom, diaper changes, play dates, photo editing, internet socializing… these are the things that pop into my head when I take a moment to sit and reflect on what makes up my life lately. The family and I are fighting off colds that came with the recent change in weather. It’s finally really starting to feel like fall around here and I’m slowly adjusting to this new life I’m leading.

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Days that used to drag on and on back when I was “working” now disappear in the blink of an eye. Going to work means something completely different to me these days and while I no longer “work,” I now truly understand the true definition of what it means. My payment may not come in the form of dollar bills, but it’s much more valuable than all the dollars in the world.

I have a new favorite time of each and every day. It’s the late afternoon hours between 3 and 5pm, after we pick Leila up from school and before the craziness of dinner and baths and bedtime sets in. It’s just me and all three of my kiddos and whatever we want to do. Today we decided to bake cupcakes and while they were in the oven filling our home with the smell of warm pumpkin spice, I sat in the living room nursing the littlest while his big siblings rolled around tickling each other on the floor at my feet. Sure, most days are filled with chaos and mess and disorganization, but it’s these little stolen moments that keep me strong and feed my soul.

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Tomorrow Roman turns 4 months old. I love how this little peanut has completed our family. Each day we all fall into more and more of a steady rhythm as we get to know this new little human being. I seriously can’t get enough of having a baby in the house again. I am so, so, so, so, so savoring each second I have with him before he becomes an unruly toddler and a small child who can talk back to me. We spend a lot of time snuggling and I spend a lot of time chowing down on those sweet little cheeks.

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I still question whether being a stay at home mom is truly for me, but I don’t have one single ounce of regret in any of the decisions I’ve made to get me to this point of my life in the here and now. I’m learning each day how to be a little bit of a better mom, with lots of failure along the way. But, mixed in with the failure is a whole lot of love and laughter and days ended with the sheer satisfaction of a comfortable bed. It’s a new season and I’m really enjoying it.

Hope.

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Pregnancy brain. Laziness. Stress. Lack of motivation. I have a list of things I want to write about and do written in the back of my planner, but I can’t seem to do anything about it. Instead, I’m sinking into the couch, spacing out on HGTV. It’s moments like these when I start beating myself up. I should be doing more! And then I grab my phone and scan through Instagram and Facebook and it just makes me feel worse. Oy.

I apologize for the negative tone of my blog lately (with the exception of my weekly pregnancy updates). I’ve been pretty distant from blogging, which makes me sad. I’ve been in a bit of a dark place, which is also disturbing. I’m not one to pretend everything is all sunshine and roses when it isn’t. I’d rather just write what I feel or not write at all. Maybe that’s why I’ve hardly been posting lately.

All of this is to say that I’m still looking towards the future longingly and with excitement and holding on to a lot of hope. Hope for all the little things.

Hope that I can survive the next few days without my hubby’s help.

Hope that my ultrasound on Friday shows a healthy baby.

Hope that I can successfully paint our bed and get our house back in shape next week.

Hope that Landon will transition from the crib easily and that Leila will learn to keep her new room clean.

Hope that I will re-discover my creative spark.

Hope that I can take all of my ideas and run with them instead of hold them back in fear.

Hope that I will stop being such a stress case.

Hope that I will learn to live with not having all the answers.

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Thought Vomit

It feels like my mind is being pulled in 450 directions lately. In one week’s time we went from 90 degree summer weather to 60 degrees and fall. Maybe this has something to do with craving change in multiple areas of my life. Maybe this is why I can’t seem to focus on one task long enough to make any good progress in a sitting. Today I’m feeling the urge to sort through my thoughts – to clean things up in my mind a bit. A little bit of thought vomit, anyone? 

>>> My son turns two one month from yesterday. So crazy! I still see him as such a baby, but he’s really not anymore. I’m dying for him to start talking better. He’s super late in his words and it’s frustrating for both of us sometimes. I can’t believe it’s past time for me to start thinking about planning a 2nd birthday party! If you want to give me a theme, I’ll run with it. 🙂

>>> I am quickly approaching the end of my 20’s. CrAzY! Whenever I think about turning 30, I flash back to my last year of high school and being asked by a teacher, “Where do you see yourself at age 30?” At the time it seemed like such a far-fetched age, almost completely unimaginable to a scatter-dreamed high school me. She sure did sneak up on me!

>>> I feel myself approaching a turning point – a fork in the road. I’ve spent the last decade growing up. Instead of using all of it to explore who I am, I finished school, got married, and started popping out babies. No regrets. I feel like my 30’s are going to be a great explorational decade for me. Yes, there will be more babies (at least one, I hope!), but there will also be more time spent dream dabbling and getting comfortable in my own skin. I want to delve a little deeper in to photography, try my hand at selling something online, and maybe even experience being a stay at home momma before my firstborn heads off to kindergarten. I’m sick of always wondering “what if.” I want my 30’s to be about living with no regrets.

>>> The last 3 nights have been hell. For some reason I’ve been an insomniac even though I am painfully exhausted and want nothing more than to sleep. And then when I finally do drift off, either Landon or Leila has a night terror (screaming, crying, kicking, fun times). Or, the dog decides to have a puke fest at 3am. I am so. dang. tired. Maybe tonight will be the night. How the heck did I survive Landon’s first year of life until he FINALLY slept through the night? Seems like such a distant memory.

>>> I have a serious love-hate relationship with social media. One day I can’t get enough of it, and the next I just want to kill all things technology and pretend it never existed. Sometimes all of it just gives me a headache and I feel like I can’t keep up. Anyone else?

>>> Seasonal affective disorder. Blah. Summer was a super productive time for me. I stayed up late into the evenings editing photos and writing. Now? Now I can barely keep my eyes open and my brain focused past 9pm. I seriously don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next 6 months. I need a happy light recommendation!

>>> Sometimes I get waves of stress over never watermarking my photos on this blog. So, today I’m going to test the waters in it. I recently got Lightroom and I must say that I am in LOVE. Such a great tool for organizing photos and apparently it takes like 1 second to watermark! Just figured it out today. 🙂

Photos from last week. Our final taste of summer…

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Gah, I hate the stupid watermarks! Not sure if I’ll stick with it or not.

Happy first day of fall! Today my family and I didn’t leave the house all day except for a brisk stroll around the neighborhood. We had a good friend come give us massages (Leila, too!) and then we indulged in some pumpkin spice goodness! I perfected a SUPER easy pumpkin spice syrup that I’m going to share this week as well as pumpkin spice cornbread (thanks to my hubby)! Eat all things pumpkin! YUM!

Freakishly Good

This week started off rocky. While I love fall (the leaves, fall fashion, hot drinks), I have a really hard time with the shorter days. Now that the sun is setting earlier and earlier, my productive evenings are going out the window because all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.

Yesterday, my frown was turned upside down. I woke up chipper and was SUPER productive at work. Like, I haven’t been on a roll like that in a LONG time. It felt good. By noon, I swear I had accomplished the amount I normally do in a full day (shhhh, don’t tell my boss). And then I ditched out on the second half of the day in favor of some shopping with my sis-in-law and her sister. Girl time! No kids! Yes and yes.

So maybe I blew our clothing budget out of the water for the month, but I’m over it. Instead of the normal buyer’s remorse I usually feel, I just feel happy. Happy that I boosted up my fall wardrobe and happy that my mind is in a good place. After shopping I had a wonderful evening with the two most amazing kiddos ever and a fantastically fattening and delicious pasta dinner with my hubby. Life is good.

Now for some recent random happiness from Instagram. If you don’t already follow me, please do! @dreamstodo

My shopping loot…IMG_3397

Sissy is always cracking Landon up! I love their relationship. IMG_3390

$3 clearance find! Still don’t know what to use it for, but it makes me happy. IMG_3379

Got my Starbucks VIP gold card in the mail. Yes, I have a problem. IMG_3376

Last Friday, I got my hair done! This is alien Ariel. IMG_3374

Ya know what? Life is bipolar. You have your good days and your bad days. I’m just trying my hardest to grasp on to the good ones with all of my might in hopes that I can drag them out a little bit longer. Hope you are having a lovely week, too!

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