I’m officially in the last week of my pregnancy. One week from today I’ll be holding my little man in my arms. I should be basking in excitement, soaking up my final moments as a mommy of two, and enjoying every second of folding tiny newborn clothes and packing and repacking the hospital bag. Unfortunately life doesn’t always go as it should.
Instead, I’m a ball of anxiety and stress. The last thing I want is for this to be a depressing post, but I have to speak from my heart and get things off my chest. The most pressing thing that’s weighing me down is my 2-year-old’s behavior lately. He is in the throws of the terrible twos times ten. The tantrums he’s been throwing over the past 5 days are violent (like he literally tries to hurt us) and unstoppable. When he becomes possessed (and it really is like he’s possessed by something evil), there is absolutely nothing I can do to calm him down. It’s actually a little bit scary. I usually end up breaking down in tears myself and sometimes that will catch his attention enough to make him stop. It’s gotta be him sensing the impending change, hormones, growth spurt, allergies, or something along those lines. While I dealt with some tantruming from Leila, it was nothing compared to this. Anything from getting his diaper changed to not setting his plate of food down in the correct spot can set him off. It’s really unpredictable.
On top of that, I planned Leila’s birthday party for this next weekend to get it out of the way before baby bro arrives. Of course, I’m an idiot and planned it at a place downtown during one of the biggest events of the year. Didn’t realize it until the invitations were already sent out. Basically parking will be horrendous and no one is going to come. My heart breaks for Leila because she was so excited to have a party with her friends there. I’ve pretty much gotten zero RSVPs. And no, I can’t reschedule it because Leila’s heart is set on having it there and I’m not dealing with throwing one after having a baby with medical issues. TOO. MUCH. STRESS.
And if that’s not enough, it’s my last week of work which I am a little bit emotional about AND I’m sick. Oh, and I can’t sleep at all. And the stress over little man’s kidney issues never goes away. Besides all of that, most people would never know I’m in any distress – I put on a good face…
More happenings at 38 weeks…
- I don’t think my belly has grown at all in the last few weeks. It’s really strange.
- I had my very last (!!!) OB appointment today and it was a little bit emotional!
- The final weigh in puts me at gaining 35 pounds exactly. I’ll take it!
- I’ve stopped working out.
- I have to sleep with 3-4 pillows propping me up because even zantac isn’t phasing my acid reflux at night anymore.
- I’m eating a whole lot less these days because my stomach just can’t take it.
- McDonald’s Reeses peanut butter cup McFlurries are my one craving lately.
- I need a pedicure SO bad. I don’t know if I’ll get the time before little man arrives.
- Can’t wait to meet this little guy who’s currently stretching my belly into a freakish looking shape. I just want to love him and take care of him and make sure he is comfortable and happy. I’m anxious to find out more about his kidney situation and get it figured out already!
- Still need to buy: bottles and a baby book (even though I still need to fill out most of my other two kiddos’ books).
I really am sorry for how depressing I sound. Mainly I’m sorry to the little man growing inside of me that I’m such a stress case these days. All I can do is pray and focus on the fact that this too shall pass.
Blast from the past time!