Dreams To Do

Falling Apart {38 weeks}

I’m officially in the last week of my pregnancy. One week from today I’ll be holding my little man in my arms. I should be basking in excitement, soaking up my final moments as a mommy of two, and enjoying every second of folding tiny newborn clothes and packing and repacking the hospital bag. Unfortunately life doesn’t always go as it should.

Instead, I’m a ball of anxiety and stress. The last thing I want is for this to be a depressing post, but I have to speak from my heart and get things off my chest. The most pressing thing that’s weighing me down is my 2-year-old’s behavior lately. He is in the throws of the terrible twos times ten. The tantrums he’s been throwing over the past 5 days are violent (like he literally tries to hurt us) and unstoppable. When he becomes possessed (and it really is like he’s possessed by something evil), there is absolutely nothing I can do to calm him down. It’s actually a little bit scary. I usually end up breaking down in tears myself and sometimes that will catch his attention enough to make him stop. It’s gotta be him sensing the impending change, hormones, growth spurt, allergies, or something along those lines. While I dealt with some tantruming from Leila, it was nothing compared to this. Anything from getting his diaper changed to not setting his plate of food down in the correct spot can set him off. It’s really unpredictable.

On top of that, I planned Leila’s birthday party for this next weekend to get it out of the way before baby bro arrives. Of course, I’m an idiot and planned it at a place downtown during one of the biggest events of the year. Didn’t realize it until the invitations were already sent out. Basically parking will be horrendous and no one is going to come. My heart breaks for Leila because she was so excited to have a party with her friends there. I’ve pretty much gotten zero RSVPs. And no, I can’t reschedule it because Leila’s heart is set on having it there and I’m not dealing with throwing one after having a baby with medical issues. TOO. MUCH. STRESS.

And if that’s not enough, it’s my last week of work which I am a little bit emotional about AND I’m sick. Oh, and I can’t sleep at all. And the stress over little man’s kidney issues never goes away. Besides all of that, most people would never know I’m in any distress – I put on a good face…

38weeks 38-1

More happenings at 38 weeks…

  • I don’t think my belly has grown at all in the last few weeks. It’s really strange.
  • I had my very last (!!!) OB appointment today and it was a little bit emotional!
  • The final weigh in puts me at gaining 35 pounds exactly. I’ll take it!
  • I’ve stopped working out.
  • I have to sleep with 3-4 pillows propping me up because even zantac isn’t phasing my acid reflux at night anymore.
  • I’m eating a whole lot less these days because my stomach just can’t take it.
  • McDonald’s Reeses peanut butter cup McFlurries are my one craving lately.
  • I need a pedicure SO bad. I don’t know if I’ll get the time before little man arrives.
  • Can’t wait to meet this little guy who’s currently stretching my belly into a freakish looking shape. I just want to love him and take care of him and make sure he is comfortable and happy. I’m anxious to find out more about his kidney situation and get it figured out already!
  • Still need to buy: bottles and a baby book (even though I still need to fill out most of my other two kiddos’ books).

I really am sorry for how depressing I sound. Mainly I’m sorry to the little man growing inside of me that I’m such a stress case these days. All I can do is pray and focus on the fact that this too shall pass.

Blast from the past time!


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  • Oh honey!! Hang in there. It’s okay to do a depressing post now and then when it’s your blog and sometimes that’s just what you need. So sorry about your little girl’s party. Ugh!! That really sucks. If she has at least a few friends there she’ll be happy even if the turn out isn’t what it could have been. Oooohh the terrible twos! My only consolation is that it’s only temporary. Just do the best you can and it will have to be good enough. : )

    • Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words! It means so much! I’m feeling much better about everything today. I just had a few rough days that have thankfully passed. Trying to stay optimistic and looking forward to holding my new little bundle soon!

  • Don’t be sorry about a depressing post! Your feelings are totally valid and I know firsthand that writing things down and putting them out there is cathartic. So much suckage going on here and I just want to hug you. Especially about the tantrum issue, because I’ve so been there and done that with Logan. All I can say is that I know how scary and upsetting it is, but in my experience, they do ease up. And hey, let him see you cry if that helps snap him out of it. I did that many times with Logan, both on purpose to show him how his actions affected others, and because I just couldn’t help it. Deep breaths, you’ll get through this.

    • You don’t even know how much better this makes me feel! It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone with my kid struggles and that it’s actually fairly normal – even though when he’s in the throws of a tantrum I feel like something is seriously wrong with my kid. It’s scary! Happy to report that today I am in a much better place with everything and just feeling excited to meet my new little man in a few days. 🙂

  • Melissa @ Completely Eclipsed

    Don’t apologize for a depressing post. I hate people who get their panties in a wad when they encounter anything but unicorns shitting glitter. Sometimes life is hard and you have a whole lot of hard to deal with. The medical issues themselves are enough to worry about and then tantrums (been there) on top of that. Birthday parties always stress me out because I never want Isabella to feel disappointed or unhappy. I want to shield her from any pain for as long as I can. Hang in there mama.

    • Unicorns shitting glitter! BWA HA HA! That is how I like to live my life, though. 🙂 I’m happy to report that I’m in a much better place today and FINALLY feeling excited to have this baby. The fact that it’s my last day of work helps!

  • Oh sweet lady I wish I could just hug you right now! The terrible twos are hitting hard in our house. Hayes and a puppy are a rough combination. Some days I seriously feel like I am going to lose it and I am the worst mom, but we all make it through even the tough times. I wish I lived closer and there is some way I could help you. I know Hayes and Landon would get along awesome. Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to. The days can be lonely staying home with the kids.

    • The terrible twos SUCK!!!! I forgot how much I hated it with Leila, but it’s even worse with Landon. Thank you so much for your kind words! Today is my last day of work and it is so surreal. I’m equally terrified and excited to be a SAHM!

      • I totally know what you mean! The last day was so weird. I still don’t feel like it’s real and I haven’t worked in almost 8 months.