Dreams To Do

June 2014 archive

Before We Meet {39 weeks}

Tomorrow I meet my son. It’s surreal to type that, let alone think about it. The anticipation of a planned birth is interesting: it’s exciting, it’s scary, it’s emotional.

This whole pregnancy has been one wild ride. From a horrendous first trimester full of exhaustion and sickness to finding out our son will be born with some health issues, it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. But above all, it’s been amazing. Pregnancy is such a gift. Yes, it’s tough. Yes, for nine+ months your body and emotions are surrendered to someone else. But, it is such a miracle. Knowing this is most likely my last pregnancy has really helped me appreciate every second of it, even those moments when it was less than pleasant.

And now it’s just about over. I’m going to miss waking up each and every morning with something to look forward to. I’m going to miss feeling him kick inside of me and knowing we have this special bond that no one else is aware of. But mainly, I’m just excited to meet him. I can’t wait to complete my family and to start the next era of my life.

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My last weekly pregnancy pics!! So sad! And the final weekly tid-bits…

  • Total weight gain: 35 lbs (well, technically only 34.8)
  • Suffering from some serious insomnia around 3am each night, but I know it’s all for a reason
  • Baby boy contorts my stretched-to-the-max belly into the craziest shapes now (but not for long!)
  • Enjoying several uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions each day
  • Not really having any food cravings
  • Reflux is still horrendous, but that will disappear once he’s out!
  • Still no name set in stone, but the hubby and I will have lots of time to hash it out at the hospital tomorrow
  • Nervous about how Landon will adjust to the new addition
  • Excited for Leila to help me take care of him
  • Anxious, anxious, anxious

And one last look back on my previous two pregnancies. I’m a little bit sad that I won’t have a 40 week photo this time around!

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The bikini – HA HA! No way would you catch me in a bikini this time around! I was so itty bitty with Leila.

Well, keep us in your thoughts and prayers! And have a very happy 4th of July if I don’t get back on here before then!

Peace out, corporate America.

Well, I’m officially retired for the time being. 🙂 My last day at work was yesterday and it hasn’t really hit me yet. I think my mind is still in such a fog with everything that’s going on, particularly the birth of my son in just a couple of days!!! I had a fabulous last day at work. I cleaned out my office which was just so crazy feeling, chatted it up with coworkers, got taken out to lunch by my management team, and then we all cut out early for a little baby shower/going away party for me. I ended the day feeling so much love and nothing but grateful for the last 7+ years that I spent with the company. I’m excited to put that job behind me, but leaving the people is not easy. They are seriously my second family. Heck, I spent more time with them in the past several years than with the people who share my last name!

Now I’m just a ball of nervous energy. Nervous, excited, anxious, eager, scared, hopeful. Not going to lie, I am utterly terrified of being a stay at home mom. Luckily I have a few weeks with my hubby home to ease into it. After that, we’ll see. I’m going to give myself a few months to just figure it all out and establish a rhythm. After that I’m hoping to pursue some things for myself on the side. There is absolutely nothing wrong with raising children as your sole purpose and focus, but I know that I need to do some things for myself, too. Having my own “life” outside of my husband and children is just something that is important to me. I need the escape. We’ll see what that is.

Most of all, I’m just excited that I get to hang out with these two goofballs some more and get to know the new little man in my life as well. The world is our oyster.

Photo Jun 08, 8 14 44 AM Photo Jun 18, 7 02 51 PM Photo Jun 26, 7 19 15 PM copy

 

Falling Apart {38 weeks}

I’m officially in the last week of my pregnancy. One week from today I’ll be holding my little man in my arms. I should be basking in excitement, soaking up my final moments as a mommy of two, and enjoying every second of folding tiny newborn clothes and packing and repacking the hospital bag. Unfortunately life doesn’t always go as it should.

Instead, I’m a ball of anxiety and stress. The last thing I want is for this to be a depressing post, but I have to speak from my heart and get things off my chest. The most pressing thing that’s weighing me down is my 2-year-old’s behavior lately. He is in the throws of the terrible twos times ten. The tantrums he’s been throwing over the past 5 days are violent (like he literally tries to hurt us) and unstoppable. When he becomes possessed (and it really is like he’s possessed by something evil), there is absolutely nothing I can do to calm him down. It’s actually a little bit scary. I usually end up breaking down in tears myself and sometimes that will catch his attention enough to make him stop. It’s gotta be him sensing the impending change, hormones, growth spurt, allergies, or something along those lines. While I dealt with some tantruming from Leila, it was nothing compared to this. Anything from getting his diaper changed to not setting his plate of food down in the correct spot can set him off. It’s really unpredictable.

On top of that, I planned Leila’s birthday party for this next weekend to get it out of the way before baby bro arrives. Of course, I’m an idiot and planned it at a place downtown during one of the biggest events of the year. Didn’t realize it until the invitations were already sent out. Basically parking will be horrendous and no one is going to come. My heart breaks for Leila because she was so excited to have a party with her friends there. I’ve pretty much gotten zero RSVPs. And no, I can’t reschedule it because Leila’s heart is set on having it there and I’m not dealing with throwing one after having a baby with medical issues. TOO. MUCH. STRESS.

And if that’s not enough, it’s my last week of work which I am a little bit emotional about AND I’m sick. Oh, and I can’t sleep at all. And the stress over little man’s kidney issues never goes away. Besides all of that, most people would never know I’m in any distress – I put on a good face…

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More happenings at 38 weeks…

  • I don’t think my belly has grown at all in the last few weeks. It’s really strange.
  • I had my very last (!!!) OB appointment today and it was a little bit emotional!
  • The final weigh in puts me at gaining 35 pounds exactly. I’ll take it!
  • I’ve stopped working out.
  • I have to sleep with 3-4 pillows propping me up because even zantac isn’t phasing my acid reflux at night anymore.
  • I’m eating a whole lot less these days because my stomach just can’t take it.
  • McDonald’s Reeses peanut butter cup McFlurries are my one craving lately.
  • I need a pedicure SO bad. I don’t know if I’ll get the time before little man arrives.
  • Can’t wait to meet this little guy who’s currently stretching my belly into a freakish looking shape. I just want to love him and take care of him and make sure he is comfortable and happy. I’m anxious to find out more about his kidney situation and get it figured out already!
  • Still need to buy: bottles and a baby book (even though I still need to fill out most of my other two kiddos’ books).

I really am sorry for how depressing I sound. Mainly I’m sorry to the little man growing inside of me that I’m such a stress case these days. All I can do is pray and focus on the fact that this too shall pass.

Blast from the past time!

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The Final Two {37 weeks}

In exactly two weeks I will be holding my sweet new baby boy in my arms. It’s so surreal to me. This pregnancy has absolutely flown by. I know everyone says that, but I really can’t even fathom it. I’m a big ball of emotions today: excited beyond belief for what’s to come, sad that soon I won’t remember exactly what it feels like to have a baby kick inside of me, and hopeful that the next chapter in this story will be beautiful.

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He, he, he… I love my little photobomber!

Things to remember at 37 weeks…

  • We’ve scheduled an induction for June 30th at 39 weeks. Leila won’t even have to share a birth month with this boy!
  • We met with our pediatric urologist (who we love!) and she eased a lot of our worries about what’s to come with baby boy and his kidney/bladder issues. I’m too exhausted to go into the medical details, but we will have a long road ahead of us, taking it all one day at a time.
  • I’ve gained 35 pounds so far.
  • I have 6 more days of work left!!!
  • Baby clothes are washed, diaper bag is packed, pack n’ play is set up in our room, blankies are folded.
  • Baby boy is as active as ever, kicking around non-stop.
  • I’ve plateaued in the weight gain/growth department. I feel like my belly is about the same size as it was a couple weeks ago and I’ve maybe gained 1 lb in the last few weeks.
  • Looking forward to: two full days alone with Leila & Landon when Andy works this weekend (my last ones!) and then Leila’s 5th birthday party and strawberry picking the following weekend before baby arrives!

And as always, let’s finish this off with a flashback to my previous pregnancies…

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Oye, these photos kill me. 🙂

A New Chapter

Three and a half years ago I started this blog. I was sparked by a deep dissatisfaction with the stagnancy of my life. I was letting my life live itself instead of me living it. I was just going through the motions. I was unhappy at work, bored in the evenings with TV sucking my life, and feeling like I was letting my daughter down by sending her to daycare five days a week when I had nothing to show for it except for a tiny bit of extra cash in the bank.

It may not seem like a lot has changed in my day-to-day life in these past 3 years, but boy how it has! Not only am I about to become a mom of three, but I’ve pushed myself to really explore new passions and learn to love who I am. Today I can say my life is anything but boring. I’ve discovered a love for writing, a passion for photography, a desire for fitness (who woulda thunk it!), and a satisfaction with myself – with exactly the person I am in this moment. The only thing I haven’t been able to let go of is my career. Until now.

In two weeks I start a new adventure. I’m finally going to get a taste of what it’s like to be with my kids all day, every day. No more daycare drop-offs and scrambling to throw together dinner after a long day at work. No more dress pants or curling my hair at 7am. It’s going to be a huge adjustment for me. I’m excited. I’m terrified.

It hasn’t been easy being a working mom, but I know I’m about to venture into even trickier territory. Gone will be the days of sitting at my desk in peace, in clean clothes with perfect hair, savoring my morning coffee and leisurely going through unread emails. No more kid-free lunches with my work BFFs any day of the week (sad face!). No more daily face-to-face adult interaction.

While I know it’s going to be tough, I’ve wanted to experience this for so long. I can’t wait to be the person my kids turn to day-in and day-out for all of their needs. I can’t wait to step up my game for them.

I don’t see my choice to be a stay-at-home-mom as me giving up “me.” In fact, I see this as a great opportunity to find myself even more – to explore new opportunities. And hey, if I realize in a few months that being at home all day every day isn’t for me, I can always return to the work force. I’m just really excited for this new page, this new chapter.

Kids&I

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