Dreams To Do

May 2014 archive

Get ‘er done! {34 weeks}

Happy Memorial Day weekend! I hope that you are off enjoying lots of family time and very little productivity. I, on the other hand, am enjoying 3 solo days at home with my kids while the hubby works. Usually the case for us on holiday weekends. I, however, am not complaining! I’m actually using this time to do some serious bonding with the children and get a lot of things crossed off my to do list.

Yesterday I felt the weight of all my stress getting the best of me. I was a hormonal emotional wreck for a lot of the day (totally blaming the pregnancy). At one point I totally had a melt down and I honestly can’t even remember what set me off. I ended up shutting myself in the bathroom for a few minutes while the kiddos watched a show. I almost felt like I had a little panic attack feeling like I won’t be able to handle being a mom of three and balancing it all when I’m nearly at the breaking point as is. I broke down and prayed that God would get me through – through this little moment of anxiety and through parenthood. After I gathered myself together, I packed the kids up in the car, drove through Starbucks, and we went to the park. The sun came out and it warmed up just as we arrived. The park was PACKED with people – kids running through the splash pad, families barbecuing, people walking their dogs. I could sense the joy and it was contagious. I sat back and watched my kiddos run around, their faces lighting up. It was God’s way of saying to me, “You got this. Life is good. Don’t fret the small things.”

And today I turned 34 weeks pregnant! Today has been a wonderful, productive, happy day.

34 week tid-bits…

  • I’m in crunch mode. I sense his impending birth (trust me, 6 weeks is NOTHING) and the pressure is on. I’m trying hard to strike a balance between letting myself relax and getting ALL THE THINGS done.
  • I booked a place for Leila’s 5th birthday party two weeks before her actual birthday. Since there’s a good chance I will be in the hospital when she turns 5 (sad face), I want to make sure we get a good party in beforehand.
  • Like I mentioned above, I’ve been really emotional this week. It’s strange because I’m not one of those crazy, hormonal pregnant ladies. However, now I am. Never say never.
  • Leila is my rock. She knows how tired I am and I think she can totally sense my stress even though I try really hard to hide it from my kids. She’s been coming up to me out of nowhere and hugging me and telling me I’m the best mom and she loves me so much. She does this at least a few times a day. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
  • Landon has also been extra loving towards mommy lately, although in a much more clingy way. He totally knows his world is about to be rocked when he’s no longer the baby.
  • As for the little one in my belly, he’s a wild thing. He’s pretty much moving all the time, but really comes to life as soon as the other kids are asleep. Then it’s like there’s a party in my belly all night long. I love it, but it scares me at the same time.
  • Looking forward to our mini-trip next weekend and two doc appointments the following week – one with my OB and one return to the fancy ultrasound/fetal specialist place.

Yay! The return of my pregnancy blast from the past – I found the flash drive!

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Maxed Out {33 weeks}

Well, I am officially stressed to the max. Something has to give. Unfortunately, that something is my blog. It’s sad because coming here and “writing it out” is one of my favorite things to do. But, with less than 7 weeks to go in this pregnancy, an endless to-do list at work, obligations I have to Daily Mom, and 3rd trimester exhaustion taking all the energy out of me, blogging is getting pushed to the back burner. So, for the remainder of my pregnancy I’m guessing that the best you’ll get out of me in this space is my weekly pregnancy updates. It’s sad because I have so many great ideas and things to share! As strange as it sounds, I’m actually thinking my life may settle down and simplify a bit once baby arrives.

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Life at 33 weeks…

  • On Sunday I got to model some clothing and demonstrate some Bar Method moves at a local Lululemon pregnancy brunch. It was so much fun! Fun to show off my belly and talk about staying fit while expecting. And Lululemon gifted me a workout shirt (if you’re familiar with the brand at all, it is not cheap!). I feel very blessed. Now if I could just find some time to fit in more exercise!
  • I’ve gained 33 lbs so far at 33 weeks. Ha!
  • While I still find myself hungry all the time, nothing really sounds good to eat lately. I’m pretty uncomfortable.
  • Sleep is horrible! Insomnia and overall discomfort. Add a 2-year-old who is also struggling with sleep and I am definitely getting ready for those sleepless nights.
  • I painted my toe nails for the last time a few days ago. It was not easy.
  • Totally at peace now with the whole kidney/bladder/surgery situation. It is what it is and we’ll deal with it and all the unknowns once little man is here.

On Sunday when I was taking my weekly pic, I decided to play around and came up with a pretty good shot (totally stole the idea from this image I pinned on Pinterest). I think I will try to snap some more like this as my belly continues to grow.

I still can’t find my flash drive with my old belly shots on it and it’s killing me! So, no comparison with my other pregnancies this week (once again).

Mother’s Day {32 weeks}

Happy belated Mother’s Day to all of you hardworking mommas out there! I hope your day was full of love (and relaxation)!

I had the most simple, but perfect Mother’s Day. I couldn’t have asked for more! My only request from my hubby was that he wake up early and go get me fresh donuts and coffee. He delivered, so the day was already a success before I was even out of bed! Ha! Otherwise, we spent the day lounging around and enjoyed an early dinner out with my parents. Landon (who, may I remind you, is in the throws of the terrible twos) was a perfect angel for me while at the restaurant. It was insane! Lately he’s pretty much a terror any time we venture out in public, but not on Mother’s Day! 🙂 He also surprised me with a wonderful present – his first pee and poo on the toilet! I know, I know, super non-exciting if you are not a parent, but those of you who are can share in my joy. He is taking on the potty training SO much better than his sister did. I’m glad we waiting until 2.5 to introduce it.

Some pics from my Mother’s Day…

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I’m now 32 weeks pregnant! I really can’t believe it.

Happenings at 32 weeks…

  • Aches and pains are starting. If I spend too much time on my feet (like on Mother’s Day), by the end of the day my hips hurts so bad that I can hardly walk! It makes me feel like an old lady.
  • Feeling much more optimistic and ok with the fact that my little man will most-likely be having surgery shortly after birth. I’m just really grateful that it’s fixable and not uncommon. And I’m glad I have some time to mentally prepare!
  • I’m realizing how much harder pregnancy gets each time (for me anyway). Maybe it’s my age or the fact that I have more kids to take care of each time I’m pregnant – ha! All I know is that I’m exhausted, achy, and really feel like I’m going to be fed up with being pregnant a lot sooner rather than later.
  • Panicking a little because I have a lengthy list of things to do before this baby arrives and very few available weekends to actually get it all done! Most important, we need to buy a new car that will actually fit our 3 kids and I have no clue how we’re going to get that done! Ahhhhh!
  • Currently craving: nothing. I think I’ve passed the crazy pregnancy craving stage. Food just makes me uncomfortable now.
  • Feeling my little guy move around is still the highlight of my life lately.

And of course, this post wouldn’t be complete without a little peak back at my last 2 pregnancies… unfortunately, I can’t find my flash drive with the photos on it!!! Grrrrrrr. So, an incomplete post it is. 🙁

Where Happy Meets Sad

What a rollercoaster of a week. Sad. Happy. Stress. Joy. Anger. Excitement. I’ve pretty much been through the ringer on an emotional scale over the past few days.

Happy: On Monday I couldn’t get Leila to wake up and get out of bed to get ready for school. She said her ear hurt and she didn’t feel good. I was immediately stressed because I had my BIG ultrasound appointment with a specialist to look at baby boy’s kidney situation in the afternoon and I was specifically told that kids were not allowed at the appointment. I proceeded to drop Landon off at daycare (no way was I dealing with him and a sick Leila all day!), called in sick to work, and returned home to find Leila already feeling better (go figure) just as Andy was heading out the door to work. I made her rest all morning, but she really was just fine so we decided to take advantage of some mommy-daughter time. We went shopping for baby brother and out to lunch, just us gals. It was a WONDERFUL start to my day.

Sad: Since Leila was feeling better by the afternoon, I dropped her off at school after lunch and went to my appointment alone. I was nervous. It was the longest ultrasound of my life and the tech spent a lot of time taking measurements of the heart and brain which totally freaked me out. Is it more than his kidney? Does he have some sort of genetic abnormality? I started mentally preparing myself for the worst. It didn’t help that I waited about a half hour after the ultrasound for the doctor to come in. In the end, it was good and bad news. Good: my baby looks perfectly healthy and normal everywhere except for his bladder and right kidney. Bad: my baby will have to have surgery before we can take him home from the hospital. I guess there is extra tissue causing some sort of blockage within the bladder at the ureter to the right kidney AND exiting the bladder. We’re getting referred to a pediatric urologist and I will have yet another ultrasound in a few weeks. There are still lots of questions and unknowns that won’t get answered until baby boy is actually here.

Stressed: Does a fetus feel pain? The doctor said that if I were in my son’s situation with an extremely dilted kidney and bladder, that I would be very uncomfortable. It kills me to think my boy is inside my belly in pain. It stresses me out that he may be born feeling uncomfortable and scared and then having to be poked and prodded. I feel blessed that it’s something totally fixable and that he is otherwise healthy, but I’m still stressed out.

Excited: In the midst of all the sadness I’m feeling over finding out the kidney situation is worse than my OB expected, I’ve had some really good things happen to me this week, too. First of all, I finally pulled the trigger and bought a new, fancy lens for my camera. Happy Mother’s Day to me! I’ve only been shooting with a 50mm f1.8 that a friend gave me a couple years ago. While I love it, the focal length was definitely a struggle to work with at times. So, I decided to go with the Sigma 35mm f1.4 lens. What can I say, I just love prime lenses. I watched many a YouTube video on it and read about 400 reviews. It may seem crazy to spend that type of money on a lens without actually trying it out, but I just went for it. And, so far I love it!

In other good news, we just planned a trip for the end of this month! It’s just a little road trip, but I am SO looking forward to getting away for a few days before this new baby arrives. Here’s where we’ll be staying…

All I can say is, WHAT A WEEK (& it’s only Wednesday)!!! It’s crazy how life can just chug along for weeks at a time with nothing eventful happening and then all at once BAM! I just wish I could take a long nap.

Scared {31 weeks}

Along with week 31 of my pregnancy came a whole lot of fear. I’ve been in a little bit of a happy-shiny bubble for a while now, but reality is starting to hit me on a few different levels.

I’m scared for this pregnancy to end. I’m fearful of what the next chapter of my life will bring. Throughout my 20s I never had anything particular I was working towards in terms of career, so building a family was my primary hope for the future. Well, after this pregnancy I’m pretty dang certain that that stage of my life will be over. No more pregnancies to look forward to or children to name. The next stage of my life will be about raising my children and continuing to find myself in the process.

I’m scared for how this new little one will impact the lives of Leila and Landon. You never know what you’re going to get with a new baby. Will this baby be easy going and laid back? Or, will he be colicky and exhausting? I’m not worried as much about the new baby and his personality as I am about what it could possibly mean for my older two. I know they will adjust just fine, but I’m still scared.

I’m scared for the possibility that something could be wrong with my new little boy. Last week at my ultrasound we saw that his right kidney was larger and now his bladder seems to be unusually large as well. My doctor keeps telling me not to worry, that he seems to be urinating just fine (plenty of amniotic fluid) and that I’m not allowed to Google everything and freak myself out. Instead, I go for another ultrasound with a specialist tomorrow to find out more. Again, I’m not as scared about something being seriously wrong with the new baby as I am about how it could impact the lives of my older children if something really is.

Anyhow, enough of me being a worry wart scaredy cat. I’m 31 weeks pregnant now and feeling pretty dang good!

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Happenings at 31 weeks…

  • Weight gain/growth has definitely slowed down.  I mean, I still gained 5 pounds in the last month, but those jeans above still fit me and I totally expected to be out of them by now!
  • My only big pregnancy complaint is still just acid reflux. Sometimes I don’t want to eat at all just to avoid the pain (but the food always wins).
  • In moments of stress or frustration, baby’s kicks immediately ground me and put a smile on my face. Another reason why I am scared for this pregnancy to end.
  • Huffing and puffing a whole lot more these days. Seriously, a trip up the stairs almost does me in.
  • Super lazy and wanting to sleep all the time. Unfortunately the constant need to pee, middle of the night insomnia, and 5am wake up calls by my 2-year-old aren’t helping matters.
  • Current craving: creamy pastas. My hubby whipped up THE BEST shrimp tomato cream sauce linguine tonight that totally rocked my world.
  • I thought we had pretty much settled on a name, but when I brought it up to the hubby the other night, he told me he wasn’t so sure now. Grrrrrrr.
  • Freaking out that I really only have a few more weekends where Andy isn’t working to get stuff done before this baby arrives! Freaking. Out.

And now for the fun little blast from the past…

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