Dreams To Do

September 2011 archive

37 weeks

Full term baby!

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Maybe it’s just the sweatshirt, but I look HUGE this week (well, compared to last time anyway)!

Pregnancy tid-bits for this week…

  • Emotionally this has obviously been the toughest week of my pregnancy, BUT it has distracted from the usual aches and pains.
  • I’m thinking this baby may come early. I have been having random, uncomfortable contractions… which I never experienced with Leila.
  • I REALLY want him to hang tight for another 3 weeks… just so that I can be in a better place mentally and emotionally than I am right now.
  • Our house is pretty clean and I have most of the baby stuff set up and ready to go, but unfortunately I don’t think I will succeed in completing my pre-baby to-do list 100%.
  • Leila Jade is seriously sensing the impending birth of her baby bro. She has been SUPER attached to me lately – wanting me to carry her everywhere. It’s exhausting. She also wants to sit in her highchair again (which she has avoided for months now). I’m thinking potty training is going to be delayed for a while once he gets here. Oh well.
  • I pre-registered at the hospital, so I am ready to go! Now I just need to fix my head and wrap up all the loose ends at work.
PS – I took most of today off work and spent it with Jess. I feel soooooo much better after being with her for a while. She is seriously one strong, amazing lady. I know that some day she will be ok again.

A New Angel

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I’d walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again.
~Author Unknown

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One of the happiest, brightest, bravest, strongest, most loving, most fun, inspirational people I have ever crossed paths with passed away this morning. My heart is broken. Broken for Mike and what he had to go through in the end, but mainly my heart is broken for Jessica, his beautiful wife and my childhood best friend. I have never felt a greater urge to sacrifice some of my own happiness to ease another’s pain. If I could, I would in an instant.

As for me, I feel strong right now. I spent most of the day drowning in sorrow, but I’m back. I’m ready to be strong for my friend. I’m ready to be strong for my baby growing inside me. And for my family.

One day at a time.

A Dark Place

I am a happy person and I feel extremely fortunate for the life that I have. But every life has its ups and downs. Mine is just in a strange place right now. A place where a HUGE “up” (my baby’s soon-to-be birth) is moving along with a HUGE “down” (my best friend preparing to lose her hubby to cancer).

Needless to say, I have had a very rough weekend. And I’m not gonna lie. I always wanted this blog to be full of rainbows and sunshine (as you can tell with the cheesy design), but I think it may be in a little bit of a darker place for a while. It is after all sort of like my diary. And I can’t just bottle in all of the pain I feel right now.

I have so many questions about life running through my head. Why do bad things happen to such good people? How does one find the strength to go on when they feel like they don’t have anything left? How can one really embrace and love and make the most of this one sweet, short, and precious life in a world with so much pain and suffering and stress?

I guess the only real answer is GOD. And FAITH.

I am just exhausted right now… Emotionally from bearing the pain of what my BFF is going through watching her one true love suffer. Physically from this pregnancy. And mentally from all of the deep thoughts I’ve been having lately. And a serious lack of sleep these past few nights doesn’t help either.

Where will I find the strength? The strength to deliver and care for a newborn? The strength to be there with my whole heart for my BFF? The strength to keep a smile on my face? I’ve never been in a place like this before. A place with so much light and happiness colliding with so much darkness and pain. It’s rather strange feeling actually. I’m grateful that I have the faith that everything will work out just fine in the end.

And I worry about her:

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My little miss sassy pants has been quite the handful this weekend. She can totally sense that something isn’t right with mommy.

And me? I’ve been rallying for her all weekend, pasting a smile on my face and trying my best to pretend that everything is normal.

(This pic did totally make me laugh at least!)
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Well, I think my roller coaster ride is just getting started. It should be a very interesting next couple of months. Bring it on.

Random Goodness

After an excruciatingly LONG week at work, all I can muster up right now are some random thoughts and pics. Enjoy!

Long lost Summer lake pic…
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…The first weekend of Fall and we are set for record heat! Too bad I plan on hunkering in at home and nesting all weekend. But ya know what? I am super excited for that! I am in full on nesting mode now. It finally kicked in.

My favorite place…
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…Leila Jade had her very first dentist appointment on Wednesday. I’ve been putting it off forever because I know how much she hates when we get at her teeth, so I knew a complete stranger would have one helluva time. But ya know what? She did great! Fussed a little, but they were sooooooo fast and good about distracting her with toys/balloons…I wish I would have taken her sooner!

Paradise…
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Mike & Jess have returned home. Mike is now in the hospital right down the street from us, so we are planning a trip to visit tomorrow if he is feeling up to it. I want nothing more than to see them both, but at the same time I am terrified. I know it is going to be really hard. Sigh.

Gorgeous…
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…Leila pooped on the potty for the 2nd time the other day while she was home with daddy. The best part? She just woke up from her nap and did it all by herself then went and found her daddy watching TV and told him. I am so proud of her!

Too bad this one is blurry…
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…I have been tossing and turning so much at night all week that I’m hardly getting any sleep – I think I am ready for the sleepless nights with baby now.

Leila loves her babies…
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…My hubby admitted to me that the other day he watched Beauty & The Beast on TV while Leila napped. He thought I would make fun of him, but the truth is that it just makes me love him that much more!

My hubby is a master gardener and photo taker…
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…Am I the only one in complete shock that Fall is already here? It seriously feels like Summer just got started! But everywhere I turn there are Halloween decorations already up, pumpkin spice lattes being sipped, and ladies busting out their cute boots. And now my hubby wants to hang our Fall wreath on the front door. Not sure I’m ready for it yet.

Wish I could enjoy some of this right about now…
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…I highly recommend pina colada & mojito flavored mentos. YUMMO!

Happy weekending!

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