Dreams To Do

A dose of good and a pinch of bad.

When you choose to have a baby all that you can imagine are the smiles, the sweet baby smell, the joy and happiness that new little life will bring. Sure, you know you’ll experience sleepless nights, fussy fits, and even the terrible twos, but it never crosses your mind that there could be anything wrong with your child. No one plans for or expects the worst.

I am beyond grateful for the three happy, healthy children I have been blessed with. I feel like God eased me into parenthood with the cards I was dealt. Leila was beyond an easy baby. A little bit of a traumatic delivery and jaundice at birth, but otherwise pretty darn perfect. Landon was also a pretty easy baby, although it took him forever to sleep through the night and we dealt with the whole flat head thing and subsequent helmet wearing. Roman is my little prince, but he’s a little bit more of a handful than the other two were as infants. He also has caused me some serious stress with his health concerns.

At my big 19 week ultrasound, we found out that Roman’s kidneys didn’t look quite right. The whole last half of my pregnancy was full of LOTS of ultrasounds and lots of stress over what we would face when he was born. Since birth he’s been poked and prodded a lot. Just before he turned 2 months old we went in for a day of testing. It was pure torture for me, but overall our little man handled it all quite well.

After a two week wait for results, we finally got some good news! Roman’s kidney dilation has gone down and his right kidney (the problem child) is functioning enough to NOT have to be removed! Currently his left kidney is taking on 80% of the work load with the right carrying 20%. Anything below 20% would have been concerning. So basically, we still just need to keep tabs on his kidney reflux with regular ultrasounds and a daily dose of antibiotics to prevent infection. It looks like he will most-likely have a little surgery to reposition his right ureter (that drains from kidney to bladder) to fix the reflux on that side when he is one year old. But, there is still a 5% chance that he will miraculously grow out of the reflux and all will heal itself. Keeping our fingers crossed! So, still a waiting game.

The day after we got Roman’s kidney results, another medical issue popped up that we weren’t expecting. Our pediatrician referred us to a cardiologist after a very subtle heart murmur hadn’t disappeared yet at Roman’s 2 month check up. So, last Thursday I took Roman in for an echo and ECG. I honestly expected us to walk out of there with a clean bill of health. After all, we are already dealing with the whole kidney thing and the several in depth ultrasounds I had during my pregnancy showed that Roman looked perfect everywhere else. However, it turns out that Roman has a bicuspid aortic valve. Yippee! Not. I won’t go into the details of it, but basically he will need to be seen by a cardiologist periodically as he grows up. Again, just a waiting game. It could need to be surgically fixed later in his life, or he could live a long and happy life with no complications.

All of this is to say that you can never prepare for having a baby with any sort of “issues.” It’s a level of worry that you just can’t explain. At this point I seriously am just so, so, so unbelievably grateful that we aren’t dealing with anything worse. I don’t know how parents with terminally ill children survive. I’m happy to be working with some truly awesome medical professionals and I am BEYOND happy that I don’t have to send this kid to daycare any time soon. He needs his momma. And I need him.

Back to School

When I got my first real job out of college I found it really strange to no longer be living by the rhythm and flow of a school calendar. For my whole life up to that point, time was always in relation to the length of summer vacation, fall semester, spring break, and so on. I remember that first fall after graduation – seeing the back to school advertisements and not actually going back to school myself was so bizarre! I mean, we spend most of our lives living and dying by the school calendar.

I’ve enjoyed the last several years of time on my own terms, but it’s all over now. For the next 18+ years I will be once again following the school calendar. My baby girl is in kindergarten!!! %&$#@!!!! That’s pretty much how I feel about that.


Yesterday was Leila’s first day of school and it was really rough on me. A few months ago when I was getting ready to register her for kindergarten I had a little meltdown. After that I slowly became more comfortable with it all, to the point where I didn’t even think I would cry on her first day. HA! Oh man, I lost it. I was fine all morning until she actually walked into her classroom. Slowly the tears came. Luckily it was a bright sunny day so I was wearing glasses… and I wasn’t the only parent shedding a tear or two (or several dozen).

I stayed busy the whole time she was at school that first day, but I just had a sad, dark feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think I’ve finally realized why this is so hard for me. It’s not being away from her. It’s the fear of the unknown. It’s the fact that I can’t really relate to how she is growing up. Coming from the tiniest town known to man, I already knew a lot of the kids in my class when I started kindergarten. Those same kids stayed with me all the way through high school. My daughter is at a huge school where we don’t even know a single family with kids there. She’s in one of five kindergarten classes. It is so vastly different than what I grew up with.

Today was a much better day. I dropped her off and watched her giggle with new friends before walking into the building without even looking back my way. I know she will be just fine. I know that in time she will build friendships and hopefully I will meet other parents of kids at her school. It’s just all new to us. And new is sometimes scary.

Cheers to the first of many, many, many back to school seasons to come!


Finding My Place

It was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. I still had several hours left in the day before my husband got home from work and no plans as to what we should do. The kids pleaded for a walk to the park and I could hardly argue. So off we ventured, Leila and Landon skipping ahead of me with the baby strapped to my chest.

We arrived to jungle gyms and swings full of little ones not yet in school. I sat with the baby on a bench while my older two frolicked about, making new friends and having the time of their lives. Across the playground area from me was a group of beautiful women sitting under a willow tree. Their laughter caught on the wind and hit me like a slap in the face. I watched them with envy, sitting in a circle of eight in their pretty Lululemon yoga pants, sipping their Starbucks iced mochas with fancy jogging strollers scattered about. Some held babies in their laps while others peeked over their shoulders occasionally to check on their older children. Smiles, laughter, friendship. Oh the life of a stay-at-home mom.

All I could think of is, where do I fit in? Β Being a working-outside-the-home mom for the last 5 years, that’s how I’m used to defining myself. Most of my closest friends still work. I’m in a new strange position of figuring out how to fill my days (which isn’t hard when you have three little ones to care for) and trying to find out just where I fit in. Yes, I’m now a stay at home momma, but I don’t quite relate to that title just yet. I’m still figuring it Β all out.


2 months.

Two months ago I welcomed my tiny, little peanut baby into the world. Today, he’s my little chipmunk with edible, chubby cheeks and a smile that will melt your heart. Once again, motherhood just flat out amazes me. We all know how short of a time two months is, but to me it feels like a lifetime of knowing him. My little Roman Michael…

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This past month of Roman’s life was a bazillion times better than his first month. We didn’t have to deal with dozens of doctor appointments or hours of screaming for no reason. This little man is coming into his own and his sweet little personality sure is developing.

All about Roman at 2 months old…

  • He’s weighing in at a whopping 11 lbs 8 oz (he was 6 lbs 13 oz at birth).
  • He’s all belly and cheeks.
  • His epic receding hairline is starting to slowly fill in with peach fuzz.
  • After weeks of crying during wake time, he is now calm and content and SUPER smiley most of the time. I think he’s finally realizing this world ain’t so bad after all.
  • He currently eats every 2-3 hours during the day with a cat nap between every feeding. At night lately he’s sleeping from 9pm to 2 or 3am and then back down until 5 or 6. I’ll take it!
  • He poops A LOT.
  • He takes a binky when he’s fussy because he’s tired. Otherwise he will scream your face off if you try to force that thing in his mouth.
  • He lives in the ergo carrier approximately 75% of the day.
  • He’s starting to chew on his hands a lot and kick his little legs all the time.
  • I just love his big, brown sparkly eyes that get all squinty like mine when he smiles. :)

We just got back from Roman’s first family trip over Labor Day weekend and he did so good in the car, in the hotel, and at the wedding we attended. This kid just loves being on the go and checking out new surroundings. If he’s cranky and having an off day, his mood will usually turn right on around with a change of scenery. I love that I’m getting to know him more and more every day and can now understand his different cries and anticipate when he’ll be hungry or tired. Life is getting so much easier! (knock, knock, knocking on wood!)

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I’m so glad we decided to add him to our family. I think we’ll keep him. :)

Sweetie Pie Organics Giveaway

Sweetie Pie Organics Giveaway

I can’t seem to find much time these days to blog because I’m busy with three kids (duh!) and working on Daily Mom, but I did want to stop by and let you know about an awesome giveaway right now over on Daily MomΒ for two variety packs (12 boxes total!) of these delicious and wholesome fruit snacks from Sweetie Pie Organics.Β These snacks are perfect for toddlers, school aged kids, picky eaters and everything in between. They are absolutely perfect for school lunches or snacks! (Agh, that reminds me that my girl will be starting kindergarten in just a few weeks! Noooooo!)

Want to enter to win some for your brood? Scoot on over to Daily Mom and enter to win this prize pack that’s valued at $70! Your kids will thank you.

This giveaway ends on August 26th at midnight eastern time so don’t delay!

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